Resolution Update/ More Money Saving Tips!

Like 300 million other people, this year in January I joined a gym.  Definitely spending money that I don't have rather than buying groceries.  I know.  Counter intuitive to how very very poor I am.  But, it goes with my resolution to be more positive, and nothing makes me happier than running until I feel like I am going to throw up (on average about 5 minutes on a medium/low speed). 

I'm nothing if not honest with you all, so I will tell you that I joined Goodlife.  In order to sell me their package, I went on a long tour of the women's only facility.  The one closest to my house is women's only, and let's be honest ladies, these types of gyms seem to be more about socializing than actually working out.  On my tour the Goodlife rep said to me, "Now don't worry about attending these weight lifting classes, they will not make you bulk up and have too much muscle."  Uhmmm  okay...  Thanks Goodlife.  I am definitely coming to the gym to make sure I never gain muscle.  Do you have programs that help me maintain my flabby stomach too?  O, actually, at the class I was in yesterday they told us if you went to the gym this weekend there was going to be free cake....

Goodlife also loves to pressure me into getting skin cancer through their over enuthusiastic sales of indoor tanning.  They are forever offering me my first tan free, or trying to get me to tour their claustrophobic little death chambers.  Holy moly, no thank you Goodlife!  Although here's a good business plan - why not offer botox as well?  Because if people really tan that often soon they will be wanting to get rid of their wrinkles!

Nothing says sexy like a big box of death.  Come on baby, light up a cigarette for me.

Ooops, a rant on Goodlife business practices was not the point of this blog.  Have you missed my rambling?  My point is that I have cleverly taken to showering at the gym to avoid having to pay for showers at home.  The logic is that I'm already paying for the gym, so why not take advantage?  I now take all my showers in the comfort of a disgusting public stall where my dirty water mixes with all the other ladies and where my towel has the option of hanging in the shower and getting wet with me, or hanging on the hooks in the public area where I have to run out naked to get it.  I alternate between with two, if you were wondering.

In conclusion, I like to bring you to the new lows of my life.  I'm trying my best here people!  As always, I am open to your money saving suggestions.

Oops I was looking for a picture to show you have horrific my Goodlife showers are, but instead this cutie little beast popped up and made me smile.  Yay for baby hippos!

Assertiveness Resolution Attempt #1

Dear fellow readers, thank you very much if you ever come back to this blog.  I have to admit I have lost interest a little bit.  Not in you, and certainly not in writing, but more specifically I feel like this blog is a reminder of my failure.  When I started doing some research (I know, this seems like haphazard babbling, but I promise it is also, at times, well informed), the main problem with unemployment blogs was they seemed to all abruptly end when the person who was writing found a job.  That will totally be me, I thought to myself.  I will immediately get a job and never write on the internet again because my life will be filled with things like work, and getting ready for work, and travelling to and from work, and talking about work, and going out with my new cool dude work friends.  Alas....  we know how this story ends....  and here I am still  unemployed.  So I will update you in my latest attempt at assertiveness. 

I was at Walmart.  Two days ago I dropped off a prescription for birth control, mistakenly thinking for some reason the pharmacy would fill this prescription and I would be able to prevent myself from having an unwanted and absolutely unaffordable baby.  *side note - I accidentally read a description of labour in a book the other day, well actually only about 3 sentences of 'what to expect' then I threw up in my mouth  and almost lost consciousness and am now uncertain if I even want children, although my inclination has always been to adopt but Husband says no way to that dream.*

Back to my actual story - Walmart did not have my prescription ready.  Seriously.  I dropped it off on Wednesday and it is Friday and they didn't read the number of packages properly.  Then they promised they would fix it, no problem.  Only I would have to wait half an hour.  Even though I had already waited two days!!  I was frustrated, especially because I had just attended a wonderful yoga class and was feeling relaxed and happy in the world, and Walmart succeeded in ruining my happiness.  I started to walk away.  Then I thought to myself, 'be assertive.  Walmart doesn't get to ruin your day.'  So I went back and very politely said, "I would like the prescription back, I am going to go somewhere else."  The pharmacist said, "well you should have said specifically what you wanted, sorry for the confusion, but I am already entering the information in the computer."  "No." I said on my assertive power trip, "I would like it back.  I am going somewhere else."  With many apologies she gave it back, but at this point I didn't need her apologies, I felt like the winner.

By the time I got back to the car I realized I was not the winner because I didn't have any birth control, which was what I had gone out for. 

You know who the real winner was here?  Shoppers Drug Mart.  Because that is where I immediately went afterwards to fill my prescription.

I have no conclusion today.  Was this achieving anything towards my resolution?  Did it really make me a better person?  I can't tell.  I did come up with a new, more concrete resolution.  Take up smoking.  Then next year I can quit it. 

How I'm Going to Make 2012 My Very Best Year

My family is sick of hearing about the Mayans and how this might be our very last year to make resolutions.  But I am resolving to continue bothering you all about it for the next year.  Just in case it comes true.  Then my dying words can be, "Told you so."  Which they probably will be regardless of how I go...  but this one seems like an especially big argument to be on the right side of.  I only hope I make it to the very end and don't get taken out early in some sort of flashflood or earthquake or rabid cat attack or whatever is supposed to be coming in these end of days. 

If this picture doesn't scream happliy married and glad to be starting a new year together.....  well I just don't know what does then......

I am also making more practical resolutions, in case this whole thing doesn't pan out and I go on living my mundane life.  I know I told you in my last post I was going to stop prcrastinating, but that was not very serious.  I am not really a big procrastinater, I never miss real things, just put them off until I get inspired to make changes in my life and then I am rather effective and can do ten thousand things in one day.  Then my enthusiasm wanes and I go back to doing nothing more than lying on my couch watching Four Weddings and eating chocolate for breakfast.  Side note - Four Weddings Canada comes out now??  After my wedding?  I would have kicked ass at that show.  My wedding would have definitely won, mostly for the open bar and my beautiful dress.

Maybe what I need is more focus in my life?  I'll put it on the resolution list for 2013 (assuming we make it).

Here it goes for 2012.

1.  Stop apologizing for things I am not sorry for.  I say sorry for everything.  EVERYTHING.  Someone bumps into me.  I apologize.  Someone pushes me purposely, I would say, "I'm so sorry for being in your way."  Someone steals money from me.  My response?  "I'm terribly sorry, but that belongs to me, may I have it back?"  Someone comes into the mall where I work and we don't have something they want in stock.  I apologize.  Did they come looking for me to apologize?  No of course not.  Do I need to be sorry the store I work for doesn't carry what they want?  Do I personally ship the items late?  Do I decide on the stock that is carried?  Or make deliveries?  Do I ruin items leaving them with the choice of one crumpled item or having to find something else?  No, No and NO.  Do I apologize for all of these things that I am not at fault and, also, not sorry for?  Yes.  Every time.  Does it weaken my apology?  Cheapen it?  Make it lose meaning?  Of course it does.  Would I tell every customer I love them?  Would I say I love you to the person who cuts me off in line at the grocery store?  To the driver who almost runs me and my puppy over?  No, never.  Therefore, when I am not sorry, I must stop saying it. 

2.  Be more assertive.  Some people might think I am assertive enough.  Or too assertive.  But I feel like I defer to avoid a fight in situations where I should stand up for myself.  For example, I have an ongoing battle with Sears right now because our hot water heater isn't working properly.  It randomly goes from very very hot to freezing cold with no warning.  My argument is that it isn't safe to be showering and not know when I am going to be blasted with water too hot to stand under.  They said 120 degrees isn't too hot.  I love hot showers, to the point where I come out the colour of a boiled lobster and my body is overheated and I need to drink gallons of water to counteract the dehydration.  120 degrees is too hot for me.  I let them have the weekend off from calling and wasn't going to call yesterday either because they might be busy just coming off their holiday.  Then I had a shower that not only was unpleasant, I could have received 3rd degree burns from it.  So I called.  Their new argument was the heater worked, just not the way I want it to.  Just like Leon's, this is frustrating and stupid and they should be able to fix the problem easily and instead it is turning into a huge issue.  Just like Leon's, I will probably lose, after hours of work on my part and millions of dollars in long distance bills.  I believe I need to be more assertive in this situation and many others.  It starts today (or rather yesterday). 

3.  Stay positive.  You may have noticed at times I can be a little negative.  In most cases my negativity is hilarious.  No seriously.  I love an awful experience because I am willing to laugh at myself about almost anything.  The more mysterious the illness, the more horrifying my drive home, the closer I come to complete and utter failure, the funnier it is.  Once, while waitressing, I walked into a closed glass door with a full tray of drinks.  I was chased by a goose as a child.  My godawful inability to find a job.  The time my dog got scared by a bag of garbage and dragged me so I tripped and ended up stuck in a recycling bin.  These things are hilariously funny.  Very few bad days have no humour.  But, I also find this horrible black hole of nothingness sometimes fills my brain.  When I count how many jobs I've applied to without hearing back.  When I think about the very few interviews I've had, and how they have also amounted to nothing.  When I think about my life goals and dreams and realize none of them involve being unemployed and unsuccessful and closing in on thirty.  These are the days and thoughts I am going to try and banish.  The ones that make me feel depressed, that effect my health, my marriage and most importantly my sense of humour.

That's about all for now.  I never like to come up with a huge list because I get overwhelmed and don't know where to start and it takes me until April to even attempt anything.  But these I can start right now.  This very day.  Watch out world.  No seriously, watch out.  A meteor is probably on it's way right this very second to obliterate the planet.  I'm ready for it 2012.

Regis' resolution?  To look more dapper.  Hence the bowtie.  Thanks Sam!

2011 in Review

*I wrote this before 2012.  I really did.  And then I didn't bother to edit or post it and mostly had forgotten about it until a friend asked me about my blog today.  Sorry friends.  If you have been in withdrawal without knowing about my life.  I am just a little behind.  I am going to start on my list of resolutions tonight.  (sneak preview - number one is to stop procrastinating...). Now on to the original post.*

I like to do a year end summary as each year passes in my life.  Most of the time it is in my head, or in my journal (you know, those little books of blank pages of paper they used to use in the 1600s and everybody else has since moved on to an electronic version but I continue to buy them, as well as calendars??).  I know, everybody these days just has facebook do it automatically for them.  Well, this year I thought I would sum it up for you here on the internet in the form of pros and cons.  I couldn't decide if I should start with the good or the bad.  I've done a lot of cutting and pasting and re-cutting and re-pasting and have decided to start with the bad and end with the good.  Just to keep things light and positive around here.

Cons

I applied to exactly 37 jobs over the course of this year.  During that time I had four interviews.  The only job I was offered was minimum wage seasonal at the mall, which I have grown to enjoy, but it is not my dream job.  I did have an opportunity to interview, twice, for my dream job.  I am still not quite over that rejection.  Sheesh.  That one hurt more than when one of my highschool boyfriend broke up with me by just not speaking to me anymore and finding himself another girlfriend (although, in retrospect, my only regret about that is I didn't stop speaking to him first).  In conclusion, hopefully 2012 brings with it some better luck and interviewing skills on my behalf.

We moved out of Toronto.

I spent six entire months planning a wedding.  For those of you who haven't done it, my only advice would be, don't!  No matter how happy you are to be getting married, or how well everybody gets along, this will be a hellish journey through hell you would wish only upon serial rapists and anybody who works at Leon's(see pros for more details).

The world is filled with stupid idiots who in turn fill my blog with babblings about those idiots.  This is a con for humanity, but really a pro for my life because otherwise this blog would have to be a lot less sarcastic and a lot more boring and uplifting. 
Regis quit Live.  That was one of the biggest downers of the year for me.  I cry over a lot of television, but never so hard as that final episode of Live. 

There really has to be more.  Lots more.  I am sure of it but for now I think I have covered all of the major events. 


Pros

The biggest one for this year is that I got married to the most wonderful husband in all the land and then went on a fantastic honeymoon around Europe for six weeks, completely and totally avoiding all responsibility and pretending I was not a grown up at all.

We moved out of Toronto.

We moved into the cutest little comfy house I have ever seen and I'm happy to be here.

My wedding is over and I never have to do that again.  Before I was even engaged my cousin whispered to me, "if you are thinking of getting married, don't have a wedding, elope."  I smiled sweetly and thanked her for the advice, knowing my wedding planning wouldn't turn into a horrible mess of awfulness.  It did.  It absolutely did.  I found I was stressed over the colour of the ribbon that tied my lillies together, or whether or not my lactose intolerant guests could manage the blue cheese ravioli I adored, and what to do if it rained, and what flip flops I would wear under my dress to dance in.  These are not the sort of things I ever thought I would care about.  My wedding turned me into a crazy person who was genuinely upset over these tiny details and thousands of other.  Plus I managed to get a raging sore throat and the beginnings of my 'stress' rash on my face (which a doctor told me almost 6 months later had nothing to do with stress and I needed antibiotics to clear it up...  oops....) in the week before our wedding.  My advice, newly engaged couples, is to elope. 

If you must have a wedding, make sure it ends something like this - beer, chips and your very best friends documenting the entire thing for fb to see.

Do I need more?  I believe life is made up of all the tiny pros.  My puppy making me laugh.  My husband doing the dishes (that might have happened in 2010, but the joy of it still fills me all the way through this year and into the next).  A day at the cottage.  A night cuddled on the couch watching the Charlie Sheen roast (don't lie, you know it was a highlight of your year too).  A new friend.  Or finding out your old friends are more wonderful than you knew.  Winning a minor battle over Leon's.  These sorts of things keep me optimistic about next year.  2012 will be the year of my career.  Also the year of the dragon.  How can anything go wrong?  Unless of course the Mayans are right, and then we are all in for a serious amount of trouble....