U Haul U Suck

I'm back online again! This time with a very special face punch!

We moved on Saturday from Toronto to Hamilton.  We had to book our elevator time a month ahead (11:30-1:30), and we also booked our truck far in advance of moving day.  We were told someone from U Haul would give us a call the night before the move to confirm the time and place.  They never called but we did get a fun email saying we were to pick the truck up in Etobicoke at 12:30.  Well this would obviously never work.  I called U Haul and spoke to their people, who mostly didn't speak, in fact I would sit in silence on the phone waiting for them to respond to my questions.  Apparently the problem was the man (let's call him Albert, so I don't have to keep typing 'the guy') who currently had the truck wouldn't have it back until 10:30 Saturday morning so we just couldn't have it earlier.  They had no back up plan, no way to confirm we would have our truck, and no extra truck for us to take early.  I asked to speak to the people who actually made the reservations.  Apparently what the woman I was talking to heard was, "give the phone to your friend".  I spoke to another lady, who said the same things all over again, just as slowly as the first. 

Finally, since they weren't helping me, I hung up and looked up the head office number for myself.  I gave them a call, pressed a thousand numbers to get to a real person, who transfered me, where I pressed a thousand more buttons, to get put on hold.  I was also getting ready to go out, so I waited on hold for 15 minutes, and then did the thing that makes you get off hold very quickly.  I started to brush my teeth.  Obviously my call was picked up the moment I was most minty and frothy. 

I re-explained my issue (well, first I spit out my toothpaste), again letting them know the elevator was booked all day and I needed to get out of my apartment and to Hamilton.  Finally, after much doing nothing and not offering any solutions (except to say Albert had been called and confirmed he would be in at 10:30 the next morning.  More on this lie later), the representative said (almost sarcastically, might I add), "well I'm sorry if this caused any inconvenience".  What?  Really?  Why would it be inconvenient for me to not be able to move?  After we've packed up all our things, Herm has a job in Hamilton, our friends are coming over to carry the heavy stuff and we've already rented a truck?  Nah, not inconvenient, I think I'll stay in Toronto.  Good plan U Haul.  This move was a silly idea. 

So, with nothing more to be done, they said to be there at 11:30.  From previous U Haul experiences, I sent my Husband out at 10:30 to get the truck.  The truck wasn't there.  This was not surprising.  They assured him they had already called Albert and that he was coming.  Finally, after half an hour of waiting Husband asked them to recall Albert.  It took them 20 minutes to even find the number.  When they did call it was out of service.  Now that doesn't seem right.  How did they speak to him both last night and this morning already?  And if they had just called him why did they bury his number under a thousand other papers and then shuffle them all together making it difficult to find the number they needed to 're-call'?  Oops....  caught in your own web of lies U Haul...

Two hours later, no Al, no truck, and no solution.  Their customer service reps actually ignored my husband while he stood and spoke to them.  Finally my wonderful MIL (mother in law) found us another truck to rent.  From Discount.  This is where it gets hilarious.

U Haul has a policy if they can't make a reservation you get $50.  This is rediculous for a number of reasons.  First - if we had've been paid for the amount of time we spent on the phone and waiting fifty dollars would hardly add up to minimum wage!  Also, who has a policy knowing they will fail?  They must miss so many truck rentals they finally had to start paying people.  Probably to stop them from punching faces with their real fists on just their little weak internet ones!

What if other people had this policy?  What if I go to get surgery and the surgeon says, 'just to let you know, I mean this usually works out, but if I really ruin your brain we'll give you fifty bucks.  Hell, if you die, we'll even send it along to your next of kin.'

Or, what if I'm allergic if peanuts and I ask if something has it and I'm told, 'it shouldn't.  But it could.  If it does and you go into anaphalactic shock, well, we'll give you $50.'

Or policemen, what if every time they arrest the wrong person and jail them for 30 years that person gets $50?  Fair trade?  What if you go to the movie and they tell you to go the first theatre and if it isn't the movie you wanted you can have $50?  Or at the grocery store, if your milk has already expired, $50?

You all know I am not one to argue with free money.  But this seems a little over the top.  How about, instead of this strange incentive, you just do your job?  Because it isn't that hard.  Nope, they chose instead of ruin my day and try to entrap me in Toronto.  I told you this city was abusive!

In shocking news, after all of that, Herm was able to get to Discount, rent the truck, go pick it up from the lot and get back up to our apartment building in about half an hour.  See U Haul?  It can be done.  Plus the truck was at least $50 cheaper. 

The real mystery is whether or not Albert ever returned the truck.  O my gosh!!  I just solved my own mystery!!  Did anybody else see this?  Albert you maniac!!  Bring back our truck!!  haha

So, U Haul, here is your face punch, for your rude customer service reps, your ineffective scheduling, your complete lack of caring for people who are only trying to pay you money for you to do your job properly, and for your stupid policy about not being able to keep reservations. 

Good bye Toronto!

I have always described my relationship with Toronto as 'love-hate' but as I went to write this post I realized it is really more of an abusive relationship.

I moved to Toronto, fresh out of university, living with my cousin (okay, if you must know, we accidentally moved in right next door to Regent Park because we got a great deal on the sweetest little apartment).  I came to Toronto, bright eyed and full of dreams.  Ready to make a difference in the world.  Wanting to experience the excitement of the big city.

Our first day went something like this...

Me: Hey Toronto, I'm exhausted, we spent all day moving and cleaning.  But I am so excited to get out and explore and get to know my new home.

Toronto: I'm so excited for you to be here!  I can't wait to show you how wonderful I am.  I am a clean city full of friendly people with a Pickle Barrel walking distance from your house.  You will be so happy here.

Me: Yay!  I love this great city of greatness!  Fantastic!  *skips to Pickle Barrel and stuffs face full of joy and chicken wraps*

Night falls on this delicious city.  Our first night.  The stars twinkle, and then Toronto comes at us, full force.  On a walk outside we find crack addicts and dealers, a sweater abandoned and covered in vomit, we hurry inside and spend the rest of the night listening to sirens from various law enforcers, screams and what we thought might have been gunshots.  We cowered in the darkness and prayed to live to see morning. 

In the morning the sun shines.

Toronto: Good morning Sweetie.

Me: Don't 'sweetie' me.  What the hell was that?  Holy frick!  That was the scariest night of my entire night.

Toronto: O it was a mistake.  I didn't mean it.  It won't happen again.  Trust me this time.  I want you to love me, I really do.  Come on, come to the Eaton Centre, see Kensington Market, do your grocery shopping in Chinatown, wander Yorkville and dream of being rich and important.  I have so much to offer you.

Over and over and over again that year we played this game.  Horrible, awful experiences.  Then Toronto would smile, bring me flowers, play nice for a few days and I'd be sucked back in.  By the end of the year I called myself 'Toronto Karen'.  I had grown assertive, I had become more worldly, I could take the subway without getting lost which was an achievement in and of itself. 

Then I left.  After being home in Niagara for only one year Herm got into law school in Toronto and back I came.  I have been here for almost four years now.  I would like to say it has gotten better, that me and Toronto have developed a healthier relationship and established a routine where both of us benefit.  But, that's not true.  Toronto won't give me a job, won't accept that I am a qualified and ready to work individual.  Toronto doesn't want to help me with my career, or my education.  There are no first chances here, never mind second chances! 

So, Toronto, this is where I break up with you.  We're leaving.  Next Saturday.  I will no longer live here, I won't have to fight through your horrifying public transit, I won't have to deal with your mess and your noise and your pollution and your lack of green space and your over crowdedness.  Nobody will stab me with an umbrella in the rain, or try to run be over while I'm biking, or shout at me for no reason except that humans were never ever meant to live like this and eventually the frustration gets to us all.

But then Toronto does what Toronto does best. 

Toronto: Okay Karen, if you think that is for the best.  If you have to leave.  But won`t you miss baseball games (and by baseball games I, of course, mean the nachos at the Skydome)?  I know Hamilton has malls, but Hamilton doesn't have Yorkdale.  Just sayin'.  Remember when you went to the zoo for your birthday?  Or Sneaky Dees nachos?  Will Regis have a dog park like Sunnybrook to play at in Hamilton?  Do you have a balcony to watch the sunset from, and grow a little balcony garden?  Will you be able to come to Steven and Chris every week? 

I mean, it's fine.  I totally understand that you want to go.  But what about the ROM?  You know you love that crazy mummy and trying to sneak in with your expired student card on Tuesdays.  Remember the time you went to the ballet?  Or the time you tripped up those stairs and the homeless guy shouted at you for blocks asking if you were okay?  Or when you drugged up on gravol and conquered your fear of heights long enough to take the elevator to the top of the CN Tower and have a well deserved glass of wine?

All the cool kids go to the zoo for their 24th birthday!

 I have answers to all of this.  Toronto, I will find new places to go, new things to entertain me, new malls and shopping and maybe even a job!  I am not worried to be leaving you, in fact I don't even think I like you very much at all.

Then Toronto plays its trump card.

Karen, I get it.  No hurt feelings.  But, one more little thing.  What about your friends?  The friends you have made and collected from all over this city?  The ones who have become your family away from family?  Your in-laws who never remind you that you aren't actually related?  What about all the people who have taken you in, shown you the best fro yo (Menchis) or the cheapest beer (maybe Toby's until that guy broke a bottle and slit someone's neck, now we don't go there), or the greatest Mexican outside of Mexico (Mariachi), or where not to get food poisoning (another Mexican place, will remain unnamed)?  The first place you and Herm lived together?  Where you brought your puppy home to?  How can you leave? 

Karen, this is home.

Me:  Goddamit.  Goddam you Toronto.  I want to leave.  I really do, I want a smaller city and parks and no smog days and peace and quiet, somewhere that I feel safe all the time.  But I will miss it.  I will miss you so much.  Not just the city and the excitement but the friends and adopted family I am leaving behind.  We still have a week together.  Let's make the most of this week.  Maybe it isn't always healthy, and maybe not everybody understands why I keep coming back, but in the end I take this city for better or for worse (but NOT for another term of Rob Ford at mayor!).