Just when I thought I had finally found rock bottom, I find you can always fall a little further. Sometimes, literally.

I felt like I was piecing my life back together, again.  After not getting that job I had decided to move on and stop looking in at the dress I had decided to buy at RW as a celebration dress which I can no longer afford and the adorable ankle boots I was also going to get.  I started packing my lunch instead of eating at the food court on my breaks.  I applied to a few more jobs on Monday.  I visited my family on the weekend.  Yes, I found I could move on, and possibly up.  There was something else out there for me.  Something better even!

Today I headed out to work at the mall.  I was walking because I cannot afford a car on my luxurious salary of under $600/month.  Also, let's be serious, I need the exercise.  I have become extremely inactive, even for an unemployed person.  While walking I thought of a funny story I wanted to tell my littlest sister.  I called her up, but since it had snowed last night and I was freezing I did something a little silly.  I never wear hats, for unknown reasons I hate them, instead I have a cute little headband to keep my ears warm.  I stuck my phone under my headband, thus creating my very own 'hands free' talking!  This is not an attractive look, but it served its purpose and it was early and nobody else was out.  I was zipping along trying to get to the mall when I decided to take a little short cut through a very small patch of grass.  This is where the problems started.  They ended with me dramatically slipping and falling into a mud puddle, screaming at the top of my lungs and grasping for my stupid phone which stayed stuck in my headband.

Please, picture this.  I am covered in mud, showing up to work right on time, but no extra time to go back and get changed.  I cannot afford buy new pants.  I definitely cannot afford to call in sick.  I have no choice.  I show up, pants soaked all the way up my butt, muddy and awful.  Is there really no end to my humiliation?  World, I apologize for whatever I did in a previous lifetime, but I do believe I have suffered enough.  Seriously.  Enough.  I am not sure how much more I can handle. 

In hilarious news, if that isn't enough, when I went to work and explained the story, I finished with, "you know, just in case you were wondering why I showed up looking like such a mess..."  to which a co-worker simply raised an eyebrow and stared me down.  I was forced to reply with an awkward, "well, more of a mess than usual.  *uncomfortable giggle*"

I tried to google various pictures of mud puddles and wearing your cell phone in your headband, but apparently this unique situation has not happened to anybody else, or if it has they have not documented in on the internet.  So, I have taken this opportunity to draw you a visual Paint representation of what happened.  Enjoy.  If you would like a self portrait done please send me your most embarassing moment and I will try to my best to draw it for you.



Yes, I took some liberties and made myself a lot blonder and thinner.  I needed something to brighten my day.



Unemployment Outfits

I have been struggling for a long time as to whether or not to actually post this....  but let's be honest, I have no shame.  I think it might help people who are currently unemployed realize they are not as alone as they think they are, we are all in this together and we can help each other.

My sister writes a fantastic fashion blog you can check out here.  This post will actually be the opposite of that.  This is about what my life has become, the depths I have sunk to, and I am not really sure if I can ever recover. 

First - a little bit about myself.  I have always been too poor and not super dedicated to really get into fashion.  I had  a little while in highschool where my style might be described as 'ugly' or 'hideously bad with a side of slutty'.  I still have enough self respect to not show you any pictures from these years.  As I matured I tried to stick with classic pieces and plain colours, possibly to counteract the 4 years I spent in jeans with fuzzy purple zebra print (I wish that wasn't a true story....  dear god how much I wish that....). 

Here we go -

I wake up every morning in my pajama pants, I'm not going to lie, by 7pm I am usually back in them, drinking beer and watching tv to numb the pain of another long and boring day.  This is the look.

 

The pants are fairly new and cute.  I love pajama pants, but cannot wear long sleeves to bed.  Instead I wear that delightful shirt with my name on it, to remind myself who I am.  When I wake up, or before bed I often snuggle into a hideous green sweater I stole from my Mom many years ago (sorry Mom, you can have it back just as soon as I get a job!).  Please take note of the excessive holes and faded print.  Very comfy.

Sometimes I switch into my lounging pants, or leisure pants, or just 'the leis' as they are known to me and my sister (not the one that writes the fashion blog, another one).  I wear these because I cannot wear pjs all day, it makes me feel like I am 8 years old and home sick from school.  These are obviously a step up.  Karen, where can I pick up a pair of these delightful pants for my very own, you ask?  I will answer.  These pants, elastic ankles and all, were found at Walmart, in the little boys section, in a variety of boy colours like dark gray, navy, black, forest green.  While I was tempted to get more than one colour I stuck with only the light gray because it is coziest.  Also, these babies will set you back $6, so you don't want to get carried away spending money like that!

 

Occasionally I also have to go out in public, to do things like walk the dog, or buy groceries, or visit friends and pretend my life is not in pathetic shambles.  For these occasions I used to wear things like jeans, or cute dresses.  Since in my unemployment I have gained so much weight my jeans no longer fit, and I have a vague hope that a job will help me drop the weight, and no money to buy new jeans, I have taken to wearing sweatpants.  I also call these my 'dog walking pants' because back when I had a job I didn't think they were suitable for wearing anywhere except on muddy hikes.  Boy has unemployment shown me how wrong I was.  These are now my dress up pants!

They are always paired with my dirty Gap sweater.  Depending on the weather I sometimes also wear a vest.  When the Gap sweater is being washed I will pair these hideous pants with some other ugly sweater, but never for long, as soon as my Gap sweater is washed I put it back on.  In fact, while my husband was taking this picture he commented that I wear this particular outfit every day.

Which brings us back to pj time!  Now I am ready to be carefully tucked back into bed and go to sleep before another day of bad fashion choices and hopeless job searches.

p.s. In case you were wondering, yes my face is covered with a hideous stress rash that I no longer bother to cover with makeup, partly because it is too awful to cover, and partly because I just don't care anymore. 

My final piece of advice is, don't be afraid to mix and match.  While downloading these pictures to my computer I found this candid shot where I appear to be lounging in my leis, while wearing my Gap sweater.  That's right, the possibilities are endless.....  actually considering there are only seven pieces in my wardrobe and half of them are pajamas, and one of them is the grossest sweatpants known to mankind, I think this is the end of the possibilities.... 

What I can't figure out is what combination I would wear to a job interview if I were to ever get one.  Decisions decisions....