Escalator Madness

Well I had meant to keep up with this blogginb but the beautiful weather last week threw me off schedule.  There was so much reading and tanning in my bikini in my backyard (while a creepy guy rang the doorbell, but that is a story for another day), and there was a ton of wine to drink.  So I know you all understand why I couldn't be online.  Now that I am back inside I have an observation/face punch for your enjoyment. 

I am trying my very best to adapt to this crazy crazy city of Hamilton.  I know to many people Toronto seems like the big crazy city, but to me it is organized chaos.  In Hamilton there is no method to their madness, there is no reasoning.  They drive their cars like street lights are a mild warning, they never walk anywhere, but perhaps most infuriating of all, they refuse to obey the simple rules of the escalator.

I will admit, I was once upon a time also naive to these rules.  But there are only two real rules, and they are easy to remember and just as easy to follow.  They bring order and meaning and a wonderful sense of organization to the world.  You know where you are going and what you are doing and how long it will take you to get there.

I was introduced to these rules when I first moved to Toronto.  I had hopped on an escalator.  Who knows where, the details are foggy.  Possibly at the mall, maybe coming out of the subway.  It doesn't matter.  What I remember clearly is a voice, loud and demanding, shouting at me, "STAND RIGHT WALK LEFT STAND RIGHT WALK LEFT".  That was how I learnt.  Never again did I forget.  But here in Hamilton, every day at the mall I encounter the uninitiated.  They refuse to learn the method.  It only makes sense people.  Think about it.  You want to walk up the escalator, you are in a hurry because you left your baby in the car while you went to do some shopping and the sun just came out and they are probably dehydrating as we speak.  There is a sudden announcement that pajamas are on sale at Old Navy and you look down and realize your going out pjs are looking a little ratty (just kidding - this never happens in Hamilton, no jammies are too disgusting to save only for wearing inside your house!).  Or you have just worked an entire shift and your feet are tired, you can't possibly climb the elevator and yet the people behind you are pressuring you to move.

O Hamilton, there is a way to solve these problems.  Please.  Please.  Just listen to reason.  It only makes sense.  If you are tired and feel like a rest and want to enjoy a leasurely ride down or up to the next floor, just stay to right.  Hold the railing.  Relax.  If you are in a rush, or just feel like using your legs a little extra, go to the left where there will be a free and clear lane to walk up. 

To illustrate my point I have a real live picture of my ride down the escalator of the way people were standing. This is madness.  Pure madness.  Also it might be madness to pretend to be texting when you are actually photographing people because you are having an attack of rage because they cannot properly use an escalator.  Please note the lady with the cane exiting on the LEFT.  There is no way she was walking down the escalator. 

STAND RIGHT WALK LEFT!!!!

Just checking in....

Sorry folks - somehow an entire month completely escaped me and I never once found the time to blog anything.  Could be because I am horrifically busy doing nothing, or maybe because no matter how many times you think to yourself, "It can't get any worse" or "How much longer can my unemployment go on?" life proves to you that in fact you can stay unemployed for another whole month and you can not get any interviews.  Then your job at the mall offers you a manager position and a 50 cent raise and you have no choice but to accept it, even though it kills a large part of your soul and you begin to wonder how long it will be before you are entirely soul-less.  But you are also encouraged because in four months they have obviously seen manager potential in you.  But then you wonder why nobody else even sees 'interviewing potential' in you.  Plus also you feel vaguely guilty writing this blog because after four months at your 'seasonal part-time' mall job, which was become your every season, full time job (without full time hours, vacation or benefits), with a not so bad discount on the products you sell (if only you could afford to actually buy them), you have started to appreciate what it is like to work hard for a company that can decide to screw you over at any minute and has a proven track record of doing that not only to its lowliest sales staff but also to the senior management team.

In conclusion, we lost February completely to a whirlwind of depression and promotions and another long and bitter winter, only this one was without the cold and snow.  But who needs snow when life is raining all over your late 20s with no career or savings or vacation plans parade?!?!  Ahhh it's good to be back.  Please join me here again and forgive my absence.  See you soon!

Happy Shopping Season!

I know this will seem a little unbelievable, but I have actually been incredibly busy this last little while.  I apologize, but my part time job quickly became full time, and then more than full time, with me working 6 days last week and 47 hours!!  Yikes!!  As an unemployed person that is a horrifically overwhelming amount of work to be doing in only one week.  That's about my hourly total for the months of July, August, September and October combined.  Seriously.  That is not a joke.

I just came across a little piece of news to brighten your day and fill you with whatever sort of holiday spirit you care to be filled with.  The results of a young alumni survey I had filled out a few weeks ago for McMaster came in today.  The most startling information is that 16.5% of the 2500 respondents said they were unemployed.  I didn't say I was unemployed, but I definitely mentioned being rediculously underemployed. 

I understand that chances are more unemployed people bothered to actually do the survey (me included), but still!!  That is much much higher than any national averages.  What are we doing?  Besides sleeping in our parents' basements and eating chips until 4am and hoping that the next day we will have the inner strength to be bothered to put on clothing or at least not entirely and completely lose the will to live.  But why aren't we out there in the work force?  This seems absolutely crazy to me.  I am happy to not be alone in this.

Can I also let you know that further in to the survey the number one thing we would like a discount on is retail stores and number two is travel related?  Uhmmm  how are all these unemployed people travelling and buying stuff?  (unless they have all read my blog about marrying for money/rent, in which case I completely understand, and spend on my fellow losers, spend on!). 

I have no real conclusion, only my condolences for the rest of my generation.  I had this vague hope that possibly I was in a small minority of unemployed, going nowhere in life, people who haven't managed to really do anything and would have been better off with only a highschool diploma and a full time job.  But it looks like I am not alone, and although that is mildly comforting, I wouldn't wish this fate on anyone!

Back to my real world - we can't afford a new vacuum cleaner and I am trying to fix our old one and they company just emailed me and told me they didn't even make the product we have because apparently Electrolux switched hands in 2001....  oops....  haha  The quest for a new filter continues!

Just when I thought I had finally found rock bottom, I find you can always fall a little further. Sometimes, literally.

I felt like I was piecing my life back together, again.  After not getting that job I had decided to move on and stop looking in at the dress I had decided to buy at RW as a celebration dress which I can no longer afford and the adorable ankle boots I was also going to get.  I started packing my lunch instead of eating at the food court on my breaks.  I applied to a few more jobs on Monday.  I visited my family on the weekend.  Yes, I found I could move on, and possibly up.  There was something else out there for me.  Something better even!

Today I headed out to work at the mall.  I was walking because I cannot afford a car on my luxurious salary of under $600/month.  Also, let's be serious, I need the exercise.  I have become extremely inactive, even for an unemployed person.  While walking I thought of a funny story I wanted to tell my littlest sister.  I called her up, but since it had snowed last night and I was freezing I did something a little silly.  I never wear hats, for unknown reasons I hate them, instead I have a cute little headband to keep my ears warm.  I stuck my phone under my headband, thus creating my very own 'hands free' talking!  This is not an attractive look, but it served its purpose and it was early and nobody else was out.  I was zipping along trying to get to the mall when I decided to take a little short cut through a very small patch of grass.  This is where the problems started.  They ended with me dramatically slipping and falling into a mud puddle, screaming at the top of my lungs and grasping for my stupid phone which stayed stuck in my headband.

Please, picture this.  I am covered in mud, showing up to work right on time, but no extra time to go back and get changed.  I cannot afford buy new pants.  I definitely cannot afford to call in sick.  I have no choice.  I show up, pants soaked all the way up my butt, muddy and awful.  Is there really no end to my humiliation?  World, I apologize for whatever I did in a previous lifetime, but I do believe I have suffered enough.  Seriously.  Enough.  I am not sure how much more I can handle. 

In hilarious news, if that isn't enough, when I went to work and explained the story, I finished with, "you know, just in case you were wondering why I showed up looking like such a mess..."  to which a co-worker simply raised an eyebrow and stared me down.  I was forced to reply with an awkward, "well, more of a mess than usual.  *uncomfortable giggle*"

I tried to google various pictures of mud puddles and wearing your cell phone in your headband, but apparently this unique situation has not happened to anybody else, or if it has they have not documented in on the internet.  So, I have taken this opportunity to draw you a visual Paint representation of what happened.  Enjoy.  If you would like a self portrait done please send me your most embarassing moment and I will try to my best to draw it for you.



Yes, I took some liberties and made myself a lot blonder and thinner.  I needed something to brighten my day.



The Truth

Dear Internet Followers,

I have been lying to you.  I have to confess.  Remember a while back I mentioned a job interview?  I did in fact get the job.  So, although I call myself unemployed, technically I am now underemployed.  This is a serious step up, and I was afraid to hurt my own reputation by telling you.  But I can't hide the truth any longer, I can't live with this lie. 

Here is my advice to you.  First, get an honours degree, work really hard, graduate with an A average because this is very important in the real world.  At least that was what I believed when I worked so hard in highschool my stress levels caused my hair to fall out and my stomach to be unable to keep food in it for more than about five minutes. 

Turns out the world doesn't care that you almost died to prove you are smarter than most (some?  at least a few?) people.  Then you go to university, where even less people care how smart you are, because turns out graduating with a 93 average in highschool doesn't mean very much there.  Fine, so you work hard at university to keep your scholarships (apparently my health and mental well being was worth $4000, just in case you wanted to quantify your stress, although nowadays I would take that $4000 and trade in my self dignity and respect as well and not complain).  You graduate and nobody cares.  So you go back to college to get practical experience in your field and hope to find a job you are insanely overqualified for.  Guess what?  Still nobody cares.  Or wants to hire you.

BUT there is hope.  A light at the end of this long dark tunnel, if you will.  Because after five years of post secondary school, working so hard to be the very best, you get hired, for minimum wage, to work at the mall.  Here's the part that really hurts....  part time, seasonal work.  Now, for the twist of the knife - you accept this position because nothing else has been offered to you and you need to pay your rent somehow.  Yes.  That is my life.

I absolutely do not want to come off as ungrateful, because I am very excited to finally be working again (4 hours this week!  Watch out world    ....  oops  ....  I was supposed to be sincere in this part ....  somehow my bitter sarcasm snuck in ....).  No, seriously, I am glad to have something to be doing, that pays me money.  I am also glad I have come out with the truth to you.  I hope you can forgive me for keeping this from you for the last week.  I am terribly sorry.

To help gain back your trust, here is an adorable picture of Regis as a baby.

Cutest puppy ever?  You know I think so.