My Career Path Continues....

On to grade twelve.  I was forced to quit my most favourite job at the IGA because I wanted to be a camp counsellor for the summer.  I loved camp and so gave up the hours I spent scanning food.  On a side note, one of the negatives of that job was the week there was an extreme sale on pig legs.  If you have never seen an entire pig leg, they are gigantic.  About the size of me.  Apparently the people of Niagara Falls have a secret love of them because when they were on sale people were buying in bulk.  No lie.  I would have have to try and scan five or six of them in an order.  They do not fit neatly in little styrofoam deli trays.  O no.  Instead they were wrapped up in clear plastic garbage bags.  Think Dexter, but just giant legs, with bar code stickers attached.  So I would have to manuver the leg to scan the bar code, but let me just tell you this other little piece of information, pig legs are really quite hairy.  Not hairy like mine in mid February, no these hairs are like little metal spikes, breaking open the bags and quite often scratching up my arms.  You might think this is disgusting enough, but once the bags were filled with these little hair holes all of the pig juice would come dripping out all over me.  I would return home from these pig leg sale shifts covered in all sorts of bodily pig fluids, while they seeped into my open wounds from the pig hair, exhausted from the strenuous activity of even lifting them.... 

Gag if you must, but I lifted this dang things for a whole week to satisfy the resident's of Niagara and their sick porky fetishes.

So it was time to move on.  In grade twelve my job criteria was no job interview, only on weekends.  Here is when life tricked me, I was taught if you said what you wanted enough times then you could be given it.  I repeated my request approximately four times before a class mate offered me a position as gift shop girl in a motel/hotel where the rooms were rented hourly and nobody bought anything from the giftshop but the owner's son took a liking to me because of my extreme and obvious contempt bordering on hatred for his entire family including his wife and kids.  Did I mention I was often called on to babysit?  Sometimes to waitress during breakfast or stand at the front desk while they went for cigarette breaks?  I ran food to the bar.  I cleaned rooms.  I delivered room service or extra towels or answered the phone.  What I rarely did was sell anything from the tiny little nook that was the gift shop.  I dusted meticulously, frequently showed up so hungover I could barely stand, and rarely smiled.  They had a policy about employees paying 50% for their food.  I refused to eat there or give a single cent of my hard earned (well maybe just earned....) money back to my employers.  It got so extreme that the owner's son became obsessed with forcing me to eat his food.  If you know anything about me it's that I don't eat when I'm uncomfortable.  And I especially don't eat when I'm trying to prove a point to a giant asshole.  He went so far as to tell me to order anything I wanted off the menu for free.  He would leave plates of ribs for me, or have steaks cooked up just as I was walking in.  As someone who spent a while as a vegetarian, and continues to not eat beef or pork, he clearly went the wrong way about getting me to eat.

I tried to find you a picture of a gift shop without disclosing my actual place of employment, but all that came up was Zoltar.  I thought that would be more entertaining than my past anyway.....

In conclusion, that was not a good job.  But that year I went on my very first airplane at 17 to Mexico to build houses in Ensenada and get extreme pink eye.  This opened my eyes (although not literally, literally my eyes were stuck completely closed for most of the week because my whole face had swollen shut because of the infection), to a world outside my own that I wanted desperately to explore. 

I quit my job for another summer at camp and then was off to Hamilton for my university years at McMaster.  But that....  is a story for another day.

Conclusion to my Sneaky Plan.

Well in ultra-shocking news, my plan to trick the universe into giving me what I wanted (aka a career I could care passionately about and work my little head off for the next 40....  well maybe 35 at this point...  years) did not actually work out as planned.

In fact, I am just an idiot, as always.  But now I will fill you in.

So, my brilliant plan, was to give up on wanting to help anybody in the world and start applying for jobs with only my own financial gain in mind.  That's right.  Give up on the children.  Give up on the 5 years of post-secondary.  Give up on all of my part-time jobs and sacrifices and extra training and courses I have taken.  Just switch over.  No problemo. 

Not only did I apply for the most boring/high paying job I could find in manufacturing, but I sent in a good application, and spent an hour filling out a survey on myself.  Take that universe.

The universe did not like this plan.  In fact, the universe was like, "O dear, we have made a horrible mistake, we've only been toying with you in some sick cat and mouse game for the last thousand years, but really, we would like you to work at a job you would be good at instead of a job that makes your soul die."  *aside - news flash universe - that is already my life right now, currently my soul is dying, slowly and surely, day by day.

The fates, or powers that be, threw me a bone.  A little teeny tiny baby chicken wing of a bone.  Or, more accurately, you know when you are eating fish and you accidentally choke on a little invisible fish bone?  Yes.  That is what I was given.  Fish bone to choke on.  But if I don't die, at least I had some fish?  I have gotten quite lost in my own metaphor here people.  I apologize.  Back to my actual story.  What really happened is that I got a call for an interview for a part-time 8 week contract job that I would LOOOOVE!!  I got all excited about this, thinking it would be my way in to what would eventually lead to my dream job.  I know, I have thought this before, but it has never panned out, I am an eternal optimist, what can I say? 

I went to the interview and felt it had gone well, and was told to expect a call in two weeks.  Around this time I was also given an interview with the manufacturing company I had applied to.  Here is where my crazy logic came in.  I thought if I also went to that interview I could once again rile up my fate and scare it into giving me a job to prevent me from throwing away the last six and a half years of my life to work in a factory. 

And, you know the end because I started this post with the end.  That plan did not work.  In fact, just to screw me over a little bit more, I not only didn't get called back for a part-time 8 week contract, I also did not get called back from my manufacturing interview. 

I am now welcoming suggestions for other ways to trick the universe into accidentally giving me a job!  I need to step up my game a bit here I think. 

Waiting waiting waiting....

As you may have guessed....  I am still waiting for a job.  But this time I have a plan.  A sneaky plan to get back at the universe and to trick it into giving me a job.  A whole new level of desperation.  But I can't tell you about it until I find out if it has worked or not.  I will give you a sneak peek and let you know that it involves me giving up on ever doing anything useful in this world and just allowing myself to wallow in massive amounts of self-pity. 

But for now I am just waiting.  Waiting to live.  Waiting to die.  Waiting for an absolution that would never come.

Nope, that was Rose in a lifeboat in Titanic (still haven't seen the 3D version, if you were wondering).  But soon you will find out if my waiting has been successful!

Just checking in....

Sorry folks - somehow an entire month completely escaped me and I never once found the time to blog anything.  Could be because I am horrifically busy doing nothing, or maybe because no matter how many times you think to yourself, "It can't get any worse" or "How much longer can my unemployment go on?" life proves to you that in fact you can stay unemployed for another whole month and you can not get any interviews.  Then your job at the mall offers you a manager position and a 50 cent raise and you have no choice but to accept it, even though it kills a large part of your soul and you begin to wonder how long it will be before you are entirely soul-less.  But you are also encouraged because in four months they have obviously seen manager potential in you.  But then you wonder why nobody else even sees 'interviewing potential' in you.  Plus also you feel vaguely guilty writing this blog because after four months at your 'seasonal part-time' mall job, which was become your every season, full time job (without full time hours, vacation or benefits), with a not so bad discount on the products you sell (if only you could afford to actually buy them), you have started to appreciate what it is like to work hard for a company that can decide to screw you over at any minute and has a proven track record of doing that not only to its lowliest sales staff but also to the senior management team.

In conclusion, we lost February completely to a whirlwind of depression and promotions and another long and bitter winter, only this one was without the cold and snow.  But who needs snow when life is raining all over your late 20s with no career or savings or vacation plans parade?!?!  Ahhh it's good to be back.  Please join me here again and forgive my absence.  See you soon!

So close, and yet.....

This week has been filled with stories that I have selfishly been keeping to myself.  Let me try to catch you up.  Last weekend I went to my sister's for a belated Thanksgiving (we were celebrating the American version this year).  Our Thanksgivings involve feasting and drunk dialing other family members.  This year proved to be no different and included us shouting at our littlest sister, "Why are you with a man?  We can hear a man with you!"  Once we sobered up she informed us she had been on the bus.  Oops.  Our bad. 

This very same littlest sister, who puts up with so much from us, had sent us a giant bag of hand me downs.  We went through this bag and divided everything up with hardly any fighting.  What we didn't know was that these clothes had magical life saving powers.  That's right, this is not an exageration, it is the real truth.

My middle sister had one of the shirts on and was about to head to work when she looked down and saw a little hole in it.  Being the slobby sister, she was going to go to work anyway.  But she realized as a professional she shouldn't dress like a homeless person (Yes, if you are wondering, I am the older, unsuccessful, jobless sister.  I am happy for her, but even sadder for me).  She went back in to the house and one her drive to work passed by a giant horrible accident that she would have been a part of had she left the house five minutes earlier.  Shirt = life saver (not the candy, stay with me here people, it actually, literally saved her life). 

Then on Wednesday I was going out for dinner with my friends.  I was a little late because I had to stop by my parents house to drop off a very belated birthday present for my Dad.  My Mom was disappointed because her birthday had only been four days ago, so she obviously thought the present was for her.  They had both forgotten I had not got a present for my father this year.  So much for spending time and energy on choosing thoughtful gifts, next year I'm getting them nothing and then when/if they mention it I'm going to pretend I bought them something and they will never know the truth.  Hope you are all looking forward to Christmas!

So, on my drive from their house to dinner I encountered a giant car crash.  Fire trucks were there, but I was there before the police and got to see the tow trucks come to drag away the remains of the cars.  Fortunately I was about 30 cars behind the whole thing and didn't have to see any of the human remains.  I have a weak stomach and seeing blood and gore would have totally ruined my appetite.  As it was I managed to devour 4000 calories of cheesecake when I finally got to my dinner.  While waiting for the accident to clear I texted my middle sister to say that I had also not died this week.  She was happy, and asked if I was wearing one of the 'new' shirts I had acquired.  I was!!!!  Our littlest sister had single handedly saved both of our lives in one week.  Thank you littlest.

Wednesday was also a very happy day because I had a second interview for a job that I would be fantastic at, it was my dream job and would make me the happiest person in all the land.  I felt it went well and was happy I might soon be able to quit this blog and live my life in the real world.

Yesterday, the job called me back with a no.  They reassured me I had done a great job and that was why I had been called back for the second interview, and there had been a lot of discussion about who they should pick.  It just wasn't me.  I kinda believe that because they bothered to call and talk to me.  The job interview I went to before this one had emailed me and said, "We've made our decision.  It's not you".  So this was a little more gentle. 

I mean, let's be real, it doesn't give me anything meaningful to do with the rest of my life, and it means I spent two nights staying awake all night studying the company and wasted pages of paper writing out fake interview questions they might ask, and it doesn't help me pay off my credit card bill and fastly increasing debt, and my electricity might still get shut off, and I am alone and depressed as ever.  And, they never really clearly said I was second place, so I might have been 8th or 42nd, which really isn't very impressive at all.  I didn't get to update my facebook status to, "Finally got a big girl job." like I had been planning on.  I will have to continue biking to my job at the mall that doesn't pay me enough money to even afford fruit.  I may, in fact, be well on my way to scurvy, given that I haven't had fruit in weeks.  Also, I believe my Visa will be reaching it's limit soon, and I doubt they will be increasing it for me since I have been unable to make payments on it.  On a side note - No Frills doesn't even accept Visa, and what kind of scam is that for poor people?  I have to get a mastercard to be able to buy groceries?

I was summarizing my week in my head yesterday.  In between sobbing uncontrollable about what a failure I am at life, and cleaning my house like a maniac because that is how I deal with disappointment.  Here's what I came up with - I spent the beginning of the week intoxicated, and then I didn't die, and now I am in the same unemployed state I was at the end of last week. 

That's right.  The highlight of my week is that I am still alive.  I made it.  Survived this week.  Sometimes, in this awful experience of unemployment, you have to just be grateful for that much and hope for better next week. 

Let me know if you made it through this week.  I'd love to hear your tales of survival.

Giving Lots of Thanks this Weekend

Hello Everybody,

So I realized occasionally my blog may take on a rather negative tone.  Possibly because I am slowly sinking into an unemployment depression and have occasionally lost the will to be civil to the outside world.

BUT - I am here on Thanksgiving weekend, heating up my turkey leftovers and feeling well rested and surprisingly upbeat from a great weekend at the cottage spent boating, looking at leaves and enjoying the global warming induced fantastic weather.  So I have a little story to tell you, it is going to seem corny to some of you, I know, you have permission to skip this one, but it made my weekend a whole lot better and I want to share with you.

Before I went up to the cottage I indulged in a wonderfully relaxing yoga class.  I have been known to fall asleep in yoga or giggle too much, but I kept myself under control for most of the class, and in the end while we were doing our final relaxation, the yoga teacher said something that really hit home for me.  She said to picture the world and how the world was reflected and acted inside of ourselves (I do realize yoga often seems super cheesey and more than a little silly, but stay with me, put yourself in my spot, your muscles are sore, you are given an hour of no stress out of a very stressful job searching week, and you are relaxing in the semi darkness with nothing but quiet and your own breathing). 

Back to my story - so I pictured the world and all the craziness of the financial trouble and environmental trouble and unemployment trouble and all sorts of other trouble and everything swirling in and on itself outside and also inside of me.  The yoga instructor told us to acknowledge this world and the truth of it.  So I did. 

Then she said to accept it.  We can't change what has happened outside of us, accept what the world is and work within it instead of constantly fighting it.

Finally, she said to show ourselves compassion.  I had never heard, or thought of that before.  I haven't been showing myself very much compassion lately.  I constantly beat myself up, maybe if my resume was better, or I wrote a better cover letter, or I was more aggressive with my applications.  Maybe if I had chosen a different major, or gone to a different school, or gotten better placements or internships.  When she spoke the word compassion, I thought, maybe I need to give myself a break.  I am willing to give almost everybody else a break, to say, I know you are trying hard, but it is a tough time right now.  I've never said it to myself. 

So, if you are spending this weekend sad and unemployed and feel like there is nothing to be thankful for, please show yourself a little compassion.  Not an excuse to slack off, or quit the job search, or give up.  Just a brief respite of niceness to yourself.  I deserved it, and so do you. 

Don't worry, I'll be back to hating my life by about noon tomorrow! 

Yes, Regis wears a lifejacket in the boat!