Movie or Book?

I almost always choose book.  I would say 95% of the time when there is a film adaptation I pick the book over it, even if I read the book after I've seen the movie.  This unofficial poll of my life is a little biased because I do not see that many movies, and I won't see movies of books I really really love in case they ruin them a little bit.  For example - I live in fear of the time when the "Atlas Shrugged" movie comes out.  It is one of the most influential books in my life and I hate to think of people being exposed to it only through a hollywood blockbuster movie, plus it defeats the purpose of the entire book to have it made into a stupid movie (especially because I once heard Angelina Jolie was supposed to play Dagny, and although I love Angelina in her own way, there is no way she could possibly capture Dagny, further proof that the people making the movie just don't get the point of the book).

But this book review is not about Atlas Shrugged, it is about "The Help: a novel" by Kathryn Stockett, which I have just finised reading but have not yet seen the movie.  The book was good, a cute idea for a story, a little intense at times, of course I cried, but I cry in practically every book I read so that is not a measure of success.  It wasn't eye opening so much as it made me think about how crazy a place the world really is, and was in the not very distant future.  I still want to see the movie, or if you've seen it let me know how it is, or if you've seen and read then let me know how they compare. 

Also - 11:41 - this here is a Thursday Morning Book Review.  You're welcome.

I Wouldn't Bet on this Winning Idea

You may think that I waste my days away with napping and dog walking and half hearted internet job searches, but let me tell you, I have been working very hard this weekend to come up with this post for you.  By weekend, I mean Monday, I seem to have lost all track of what day it is and especially what number.  When people say things like, "Thursday the 29th" I forget what that means.....  I stare blankly and think, "Is that the 29th Thursday to ever occur?  How many weeks would that be?  No that is not enough for even one year....  maybe they started counting in the beginning of two thousand and whatever year we are in.....  Frick!"  I feel like a six year old in the middle of summer vacation.  I used to think my parents were super geniuses for being able to keep track of the days and weeks and months that happened between June and September.

The point of my story is not that my brain has devolved back to the state it was in twenty years ago.  The point of this story is I spent all day Monday at the horse races in Fort Erie to see if gambling is a viable source of income.  I reached the conclusion that no, it is in fact, not a good way to make money.  Over the entire afternoon I won $6.  Unfortunately I had to spend $16 to make my $6 making the day rather unprofitable.

Let me tell you about horse races.  I went with my Mom and Grandmother.  We had lunch beforehand and got to stay at our table inside to watch the races, this had the added bonus of being close to the betting station, air conditioning, and television screens to watch how close your horse was to winning.  When you are betting on horses you can bet that your horse will win the race, place (first or second), or show (top three).  I discovered I have a knack for picking the horse that will stay in first place throughout the entire race, no matter what length the race is, and then in the final seconds will drop back to fourth place, earning me only humilitation and defeat. 

Overall the day was a lot of fun, and if you somehow have both time and money to spare I would recommend it.  But fun was not what I went for.  I went to earn money and try to become a contributing partner in my marriage.  I failed horribly and miserably.  The only redeeming factor was that my Mom was on such a hot streak and in her delighted haze of winning picked up the tab for lunch. 

Love Me Lots!

I don't want you to think I'm begging for compliments or anything....  but I kinda am....

I have added little "love it" buttons to the end of all my posts and you should definitely take advantage of these to let me know what you love and what you hate.  I may or may not have already loved my own posts.  What I can say?  I think I'm hilarious! 

Try them out.

Rainy day reflections on what I am going to do with my life.... plus a cute puppy picture!

It has been raining all day and I've been sitting at home drinking coffee (damn you Steven and Chris, my coffee maker might have been free but cappucino refills certainly are not), watching horrible shows about babies being born, and harassing my husband, who is off being all lawyer-y and work-y.

Husband: "Stop calling me, I'm working"
Me: "Uhmm  okay I have barely called at all.  This is only my third phone call in ten minutes, so just settle down"
Husband: "I am in court, don't send me pictures of the dog looking sleepy."
Me: "O my gosh!  Look how sleepy the dog is now....  he will totally love this picture so much more than the one I just sent...."

I know...  super cute right?

So I decided to do something useful, which was brainstorm ideas on jobs I could do, if anyone was ever to offer me one.

I started with working for the TTC.  These people get benefits and vacation days and sick days and they strike and throw tantrums all for a lot of money.  I could totally do that.  I love whining!  It is a true passion of mine.  Actually I think I would also be good at working for any government organization because of this particular unique skill, although I am also a hard worker who gets things done on time and I am good with budgeting so maybe I wouldn't fit in afterall. 

Next I came up with mail delivery person.  I love walking.  Love!  I would bring my dog and we would be so happy walking around all day and carrying mail.  Plus I could read people's postcards, which is a definitely perk to working in that field.  I love things that aren't really any of my business, but are mostly harmless.

Then I started to think of other things I loved.  I think I would love to be a flight attendant so I could vacation lots.  I hit a small snag here.  First, I am too short.  Second, I am extremely terrified of flying.  But this naturally led me to another idea.  I want to be someone who reviews fancy hotels in the Carribean.  I want to go there and eat and drink and swim and tan and come home and write things like, "The sand was soft on my feet, and the all you can eat lobster was fantastic, but my cabana boy, although quite handsome, was a little slow on the margarita refills."  Yes, that is a fantastic job.

I would even do this for places not so exotic and warm.  For example, in Nowheresville Saskatchewan (I am familiar with the area because my father's family is from there), I could write, "I saw an appropriate amount of prairie dogs, I enjoyed my dinner but found the breakfast pancakes to be a little grainy.  While the beds were comfortable the decor fell a little flat."  hahahahaha  o god....  hilarious!!  Literary genius....  get it - prairies are flat, and they grow grain?!?!  Nobody??  Really?  Not even a smile?    

 .......................  I guess comedy writer is out then..............

Moving on - I would also be very good at a management level.  I am the oldest sibling in my family, so I have tons of experience being bossy and controlling.  I think I could manage the hell out of anything, if someone would give me a chance.  Unfortunately "manage the hell out of anything" doesn't seem to be making my resume more appealing.  That and the lack of any real experience managing seem to be working against me.

I guess my job search continues.  If you have any bright ideas for me please let me know.

Also - I checked my stats counter and while my blog seems to be doing terribly awful at best I would like to give a shout out to the 14 people from Russia who have apparently checked in this week.  I admit, I felt like an international blogging super star!  My sister said people were probably trying to find work in Canada and I tricked them into checking my blog with my misleading key words.  Excellent, exactly what I am hoping for!!  Next I just need to trick someone into hiring me for a job.  Preferably something in management, involving travel and walking, and I wouldn't mind benefits thrown in. 

Elsa the Lioness and other strange things about my life....

I guess I will have to rename this "Thursday Afternoon Book Review" but something about a morning near the end of the week to snuggle up and read my reviews of bizarre and obscure books about nothing seems like a nice thought.  I will try harder for you next week.  For now, just relax, make yourself a cup of tea and enjoy my review.

My book this week is "Born Free: A Lioness of Two Worlds" by Joy Adamson.  Basically, when I go to the library I make sure I have lots of spare time and then I just wander the shelves, never in the same area, picking and choosing as I go.  Sometimes stopping to read entire books, sometimes knowing from the title that I have to read one.  This one I saw and walked past because it reminded me of Jonathon Livingstone Seagull, which was a little too much for me.  But the picture on the front cover pulled me in and I read a little bit and decided to give it a chance.

The book is about Elsa, who is adopted as a baby cub by the author Joy and her husband George, who live in Africa and do some sort of game control/travelling/animal sight seeing.  It all sounds very glamourous, especially since Africa is at the top of my "To Visit" list.  So they raise baby Elsa from a tiny cub into a lioness who is over 300 pounds.  If you love true stories about animals without a sad ending and breathtaking pictures (my fav, 300 pound Elsa lounging in a camp bed that she shared with Joy in their tent) then this book is for you.  This book is beautiful and was apparently the beginning of a movement for better treatment for animals.  In the end she wants to go free, and being responsible foster parents Joy and George let her in a way that keeps all of them together as a family. 

Borrow it from the library, if only to see the pictures, and then you can fantasize about moving to Africa and having your own baby lion cub to raise and love.  Do you have a favourite animal book that won't make me cry? 

Next week, I will try to be up and motivated early enough to get this done in the morning.

Punch in the Face #2

This Punch in the Face blog post was alternatively going to be titled: "Why Unemployed Bored People With A Stupid Blog About Being Unemployed And Bored Should Not Be Allowed To Have Cameras On Their Phones"  You'll see why.....  I went with the shorter and less rambling title, but thought the other was so clever I should share it with you anyway.  Now on to the face punching.

This one is for the passive aggressive people in my neighbourhood.  First, let me share a little story with you.  In university I shared a house with five other people.  One was my friend, the other four we didn't really know, even though we lived together for two full years.  We had a fun little blackboard in our kitchen where me and my friend would write fun little countdowns until Reading Week, or cheery good morning messages.  But, frequently, we would wake up to long notes about things we had done wrong, "You can't have a party this weekend", "The dishes weren't done", "The house isn't clean" "You are ruining my life and I hate living with you".  You could go to bed and say good night to everybody in the house and everything would be fine, but in the middle of the night someone would sneak out to the god awful blackboard and write notes of suppressed rage.  I am all for being passive, a harboured grudge for many years I fully support.  I am also supportive of aggression to a certain extent, not wife beating, but fights that clear the air and make you say horrible unforgiveable things and lead to sobbing through the entire next day.  But put the two together and it kills me.

So here is the reason for this sudden outburst at people who I know will not react or write in to tell me I am wrong, but who will instead start their own blog and support group for passive aggressive reactions and how some people just don't understand....

Welcome to Toronto.  Passive aggressive behaviour is in the air every where here, you can catch it faster than stomach flu if you aren't careful.  It is bred into children the way other cities teach maners.  I present to you my real life example - tired of people putting dog crap in your outdoor garbage container or green bin?  However could you solve this problem?  Here's an idea......

Yes, a fake dog with "NO" written on him pooping in your garden.  I am glad the "NO" was added, it is my favourite part.  In case you thought that fancy decoration was in fact an invitation to use their property as an animal toilet.  You know what I would prefer to having to see this in front of my house every morning?  Dog shit in my garden.  Yes.  I would prefer that strangers dogs just did their business in front of my house occasionally rather than ever EVER putting this in front of my house.  Do their friend's ever comment on it?  "O my, what an original display."  "What an innovative way to solve a problem"  I am seriously at a loss, was it piling so high they had no choice but to resort to such desperate measures?

In shocking news, the same person who has the lawn decoration also has this on their garbage can.  The fine print says, "Thank you for respecting our property".  The hilarious part is this sits about one inch away from their fenced in driveway.  Presumably the fence opens and closes, and could in fact open and have a garbage can conveniantly on wheels be wheeled inside, and then the fence could close and keep out people who keep filling this garbage container with dog waste.  Who thought this was the best way to deal with this problem?  I guess the same person who thought they should put a little plastic pooping dog in their garden.

Are you ready for more?  Good, I have so much more......

A lovely walk down a quiet street in the city....  but wait, what is that hanging from the tree support?  Could it possibly be? 

YES!!!!!!  YES IT IS!!!!!!  A bag of dog poo!!!!!!!!  Hanging in front of their house.  This is not even the  shocking part.  The most shocking part is that it has been hanging there for over a week.  This is beyond disgusting to me.  I love seeing this and inventing a story.  A responsible dog owner picks up their dog's business in a little bag, then sees a green bin sitting out on the sidewalk.  Rather than continue to carry excrement they simply drop it it in the green bin, where they assume it will be composted.  But, NO, instead it is dragged out of the green bin, and hung for the world to see.  Do these home owners think someone is coming back to claim it?  Someone will say, "o that is my dog crap, dear me I should not have put that in their green bin" and then they will take it home to their very own green bin (as directed, of course). 

Question - was it deposited in this lovely clear bag or did they transfer it to a clear bag so it was more obviously recognisable? (that is insane, you say, but did you forget these are the same people who have had a bag of poop hanging in their front yard for over seven days!?)  Next question - how do all of these people know people have used their garbages and green bins?  Do they take inventory of their garbage every day?  Is it categorized and itemized so they can immediately recognize a foreign substance? 

I thought that would be my last example and I was on my way home to write this all up for you when I saw this is my parking garage.....

There is so much drama, all the underlining and caps....  I can hardly handle it.  AND the beginning is so Big Brother-esque, it is one of the most intense signs I have ever read.  I am terrified my well behaved puppy will one day lift his leg in the parking garage and the next morning I will wake up with a rat cage on my face.

Here I will finally end this post - but fellow Torontonians, I issue a challenge to you, next time you go to nail a bag of waste to a pole in your front yard, think to yourself, "Is this really the most effective way to deal with this problem?" and if the answer is yes then by all means carry on.  The ball is in your court now, or the shit's on your lawn so to speak.....

How to Avoid Being Homeless

This should not be a shock to anybody, but, being jobless equals being broke.  This is depressing news for me.  I have had to make some serious budget cuts lately, non-essentials like Brita filters (I still use the container for water, and I keep it in the fridge, if you ever come to my house and ask for a drink of cold water and I pour it from my Brita, it is absolutely not filtered, just cold.  I haven't had a filter in that thing for at least a year.), nice shampoo,  o and most food....  The dog is currently more expensive to feed every month than I am.

Speaking of weekly budgets, I once survived 8 months on a $10 a week food budget.  People often laugh when I tell them this and either humour me or interrogate me on how this is possible.  I lived next to a Food Basics, so my groceries were very cheap.  I was also working part time as a daycare teacher - I was underpaid but had plenty of spare time to shop for deals.  My weekly shopping list looked something like: loaf of bread, 2L milk (every 2 weeks), peanut butter (once a month), bag of apples, any vegetable which was on sale/slightly rotten (except cucumbers, even on this rediculously low budget I was never hungry enough to eat a disgusting cucumber).  That's correct, absolutely no fruit variety, no meat, and no Starbucks cookies, this was a very dark time in my life.  For a treat I would go to the Bulk Barn and pick up about 50 cents of candy.  I didn't even have enough money to pretend I had come for something else and happened to get this little tiny bag of candy along with it.  No.  My life really was this sad and pathetic.

Sad and pathetic is exactly where I am going with this post.  To escape homelessness there are not very many options when you have no job and no money.  You can try to get a bank loan, but apparently when you are out of school and have no job and no prospects and have been hanging around like a bum for the last four years the bank is not totally supportive of this.  You can move back home with your parents, if they will have you, but this is only if you are incredibly brave or incredibly stupid (love you Mom!).  You can try to hang out at your friends' houses, hoping they won't notice when you bring a very large suitcase and never leave.  Or, this summer I did something that might seem a little extreme, please hear me out, it has been working out quite well for me.

In the middle of June I quit my job.  July 9th I got married.  July 10th I had this conversation with my brand spanking new husband.

This is before I told him he had to pay my rent....

Me: o.....  by the way....  I don't exactly have money for rent this month.
Husband: what?
Me: yea, so now that we're married I assumed you could take care of rent for me.  I mean it would be a little embarassing for you to have to explain to our friends and family that you share our apartment with the dog and I'm currently looking for somewhere more affordable.
Husband: seriously?
Me: Yes.  Thanks.  O and sweetie, it was due on the first, so you're already 9 days late.  Might as well pay for August while you are at it.

Don't get me wrong.  I am very happy to be married, and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with my husband, especially since I know our life together will always include a roof over my head.  I urge you to consider this option carefully, it sure beats living in a homeless shelter.  I have been doing the dishes more frequently to try and offset my financial dependence on him.  I feel this is a fair trade off.

Once while I was waitressing a little old lady told me, "Always remember dear, the first time you marry it's for money, the second time is for love.  Something to think about anyway.....