Thursday, 29 March 2012

Ways to Find My Blog

So you know how you can put fun little search words and then strangers can find your blog while they are trying to find actual information.  For example, because of my Leon's story people who search for information about Leon's can now find my blog.  Which I angrily pointed out to Leon's in my final email to them.  I didn't tell them they had received a face punch because that didn't really seem appropriate.  A rant about Leon's is not my point.

My point is that I was checking out all sorts of fun things and most of you are just my friends coming to read from my facebook page because I keep harassing you.  Thank you.  I really appreciate it, keep up the good work friends!  You make me feel validated and hopefully if you get some enjoyment out of this then my time is not completely wasted.  Hey - feel free to comment and say, "Karen we think your fantastic, we love your blog, we laugh and laugh and love every minute of it."  To which I would say, "Yea but you used the wrong 'your', so your comment is now void.  Learn to spell and come back and leave me an even nicer comment."  But if you would like to leave me a gramatically correct comment filled with love then I would definitely appreciate it.  I do realize this now leaves me open to your critism for every small mistake I make, but don't worry, no matter what you say it can't be worse than Husband's constant critique (love you sweetie!). 

Still not my point.  I'm getting there though.

So I was checking all those numbers, like the four people from Germany who've read my blog this month, or my tiny Ukrainian following.  Impressive.  But how about the hot link from 'premature ejaculation help line'?  Now that one I just can't understand. 

That was my point.  Somehow some creepy creeper of a website as accessed my blog and I don't know what that means or how to make it stop.  Yucko!

Monday, 26 March 2012

Escalator Madness

Well I had meant to keep up with this blogginb but the beautiful weather last week threw me off schedule.  There was so much reading and tanning in my bikini in my backyard (while a creepy guy rang the doorbell, but that is a story for another day), and there was a ton of wine to drink.  So I know you all understand why I couldn't be online.  Now that I am back inside I have an observation/face punch for your enjoyment. 

I am trying my very best to adapt to this crazy crazy city of Hamilton.  I know to many people Toronto seems like the big crazy city, but to me it is organized chaos.  In Hamilton there is no method to their madness, there is no reasoning.  They drive their cars like street lights are a mild warning, they never walk anywhere, but perhaps most infuriating of all, they refuse to obey the simple rules of the escalator.

I will admit, I was once upon a time also naive to these rules.  But there are only two real rules, and they are easy to remember and just as easy to follow.  They bring order and meaning and a wonderful sense of organization to the world.  You know where you are going and what you are doing and how long it will take you to get there.

I was introduced to these rules when I first moved to Toronto.  I had hopped on an escalator.  Who knows where, the details are foggy.  Possibly at the mall, maybe coming out of the subway.  It doesn't matter.  What I remember clearly is a voice, loud and demanding, shouting at me, "STAND RIGHT WALK LEFT STAND RIGHT WALK LEFT".  That was how I learnt.  Never again did I forget.  But here in Hamilton, every day at the mall I encounter the uninitiated.  They refuse to learn the method.  It only makes sense people.  Think about it.  You want to walk up the escalator, you are in a hurry because you left your baby in the car while you went to do some shopping and the sun just came out and they are probably dehydrating as we speak.  There is a sudden announcement that pajamas are on sale at Old Navy and you look down and realize your going out pjs are looking a little ratty (just kidding - this never happens in Hamilton, no jammies are too disgusting to save only for wearing inside your house!).  Or you have just worked an entire shift and your feet are tired, you can't possibly climb the elevator and yet the people behind you are pressuring you to move.

O Hamilton, there is a way to solve these problems.  Please.  Please.  Just listen to reason.  It only makes sense.  If you are tired and feel like a rest and want to enjoy a leasurely ride down or up to the next floor, just stay to right.  Hold the railing.  Relax.  If you are in a rush, or just feel like using your legs a little extra, go to the left where there will be a free and clear lane to walk up. 

To illustrate my point I have a real live picture of my ride down the escalator of the way people were standing. This is madness.  Pure madness.  Also it might be madness to pretend to be texting when you are actually photographing people because you are having an attack of rage because they cannot properly use an escalator.  Please note the lady with the cane exiting on the LEFT.  There is no way she was walking down the escalator. 


Tuesday, 20 March 2012

The Greatest Day of All - Ever!

Yesterday the most fantastic wonderul thing, in fact the best thing that can happen to a person, happened to me.  I was walking to work (sort of running actually because I was a little late), when from across the street I heard a little scream.  I looked over to see a brother and sister standing on the porch of a house, and a little tiny black furry blob go streaking out into the middle of the road.  The brother, who was the smaller of the two, stood on the porch screaming for his mom.  The sister, who was maybe about 7, went to the edge of the curb.  By now I could see a tiny puppy standing in the middle of the street without a care in the world, thinking she was quite hilarious for escaping from the house.  I know the look well.  Regis still frequently thinks he is hilarious when he manages to do something really rather bad.

Then the unthinkable happened (or maybe the expected?!?!).  A car turned onto the street.  I had been watching this scene unfold as a casual observer, but then I saw the little girl see the car and in a moment of clarity I could read her mind and it said, "My puppy is going to get hit, I have to save her."  But, my mature mind thought, let the puppy get hit, not the girl.  Her mom came out on the porch at the exact same minute and saw the exact same thought that I did, but was much further away.  The little girl started to run.  The mom yelled no at the same time I walked into the street.  I held up my hand to warn the car something was happening, the girl waited and watched, and the little furry puppy with a sweet pink collar ran right over to my arms.  I scooped her up, waited for the car to pass (it still is Hamilton afterall, and even an adorable puppy's safety can't be expected to stop these people from driving like complete maniacs!), and then crossed the rest of the way over and handed the puppy to the girl. 

That is right.  I am a rescuer of puppies.  I immediately texted both my sisters who both immediately texted me back with the same message saying, "You are a hero!".  Sometimes there is not a lot to validate me in my life of being under employed and doing pretty much nothing.  But on that day, I was a hero, a courageous woman who stepped out in traffic to save a puppy and stop a little girl from being hurt.  Yes, this is the highlight of my week, and probably of next week, and maybe even the week after.  But, really, who can blame me? 

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Just checking in....

Sorry folks - somehow an entire month completely escaped me and I never once found the time to blog anything.  Could be because I am horrifically busy doing nothing, or maybe because no matter how many times you think to yourself, "It can't get any worse" or "How much longer can my unemployment go on?" life proves to you that in fact you can stay unemployed for another whole month and you can not get any interviews.  Then your job at the mall offers you a manager position and a 50 cent raise and you have no choice but to accept it, even though it kills a large part of your soul and you begin to wonder how long it will be before you are entirely soul-less.  But you are also encouraged because in four months they have obviously seen manager potential in you.  But then you wonder why nobody else even sees 'interviewing potential' in you.  Plus also you feel vaguely guilty writing this blog because after four months at your 'seasonal part-time' mall job, which was become your every season, full time job (without full time hours, vacation or benefits), with a not so bad discount on the products you sell (if only you could afford to actually buy them), you have started to appreciate what it is like to work hard for a company that can decide to screw you over at any minute and has a proven track record of doing that not only to its lowliest sales staff but also to the senior management team.

In conclusion, we lost February completely to a whirlwind of depression and promotions and another long and bitter winter, only this one was without the cold and snow.  But who needs snow when life is raining all over your late 20s with no career or savings or vacation plans parade?!?!  Ahhh it's good to be back.  Please join me here again and forgive my absence.  See you soon!