Monday, 26 March 2012

Escalator Madness

Well I had meant to keep up with this blogginb but the beautiful weather last week threw me off schedule.  There was so much reading and tanning in my bikini in my backyard (while a creepy guy rang the doorbell, but that is a story for another day), and there was a ton of wine to drink.  So I know you all understand why I couldn't be online.  Now that I am back inside I have an observation/face punch for your enjoyment. 

I am trying my very best to adapt to this crazy crazy city of Hamilton.  I know to many people Toronto seems like the big crazy city, but to me it is organized chaos.  In Hamilton there is no method to their madness, there is no reasoning.  They drive their cars like street lights are a mild warning, they never walk anywhere, but perhaps most infuriating of all, they refuse to obey the simple rules of the escalator.

I will admit, I was once upon a time also naive to these rules.  But there are only two real rules, and they are easy to remember and just as easy to follow.  They bring order and meaning and a wonderful sense of organization to the world.  You know where you are going and what you are doing and how long it will take you to get there.

I was introduced to these rules when I first moved to Toronto.  I had hopped on an escalator.  Who knows where, the details are foggy.  Possibly at the mall, maybe coming out of the subway.  It doesn't matter.  What I remember clearly is a voice, loud and demanding, shouting at me, "STAND RIGHT WALK LEFT STAND RIGHT WALK LEFT".  That was how I learnt.  Never again did I forget.  But here in Hamilton, every day at the mall I encounter the uninitiated.  They refuse to learn the method.  It only makes sense people.  Think about it.  You want to walk up the escalator, you are in a hurry because you left your baby in the car while you went to do some shopping and the sun just came out and they are probably dehydrating as we speak.  There is a sudden announcement that pajamas are on sale at Old Navy and you look down and realize your going out pjs are looking a little ratty (just kidding - this never happens in Hamilton, no jammies are too disgusting to save only for wearing inside your house!).  Or you have just worked an entire shift and your feet are tired, you can't possibly climb the elevator and yet the people behind you are pressuring you to move.

O Hamilton, there is a way to solve these problems.  Please.  Please.  Just listen to reason.  It only makes sense.  If you are tired and feel like a rest and want to enjoy a leasurely ride down or up to the next floor, just stay to right.  Hold the railing.  Relax.  If you are in a rush, or just feel like using your legs a little extra, go to the left where there will be a free and clear lane to walk up. 

To illustrate my point I have a real live picture of my ride down the escalator of the way people were standing. This is madness.  Pure madness.  Also it might be madness to pretend to be texting when you are actually photographing people because you are having an attack of rage because they cannot properly use an escalator.  Please note the lady with the cane exiting on the LEFT.  There is no way she was walking down the escalator. 


1 comment:

  1. I'm glad the weather is crappy. I love your commentary on the ridiculousness that is everywhere but Toronto! Like here in Niagara, how people will sit in their cars behind someone turning left onto a side street, waiting patiently for the person to turn (usually at 5km/hour) ... all the while the right lane on the 4 lane street is WIDE open, empty, tumbleweeds a-blowing. Apparently most of Niagara finds driving too strenuous/stressful (in their traffic free city), and they just need a little break. Have I mentioned that my road rage has exploded since I've moved back here!