Tuesday, 13 September 2011

The Beginning!

The idea for this blog was born while I was cleaning out the crumb collector on my toaster. Employed people don't know about this silly little contraption. They have no time to wonder where the crumbs from the bagel they toast on the way out the door to a paying job go to. Crumb heaven? Maybe. People who are working just don't have time to care. When the toaster lights your breakfast on fire you have the means to go to Walmart and for $11 pick yourself up a new one.
Unemployed people - and I know I'm not alone here - have far more time than money. We know that the toaster collects the crumbs in a fun little tray that is precariously held with some sort of little latch. This can be released into a garbage can and the crumbs will empty.

Your method will depend on the length of time you have been unemployed/underemployed. Myself, going on 18 months (Christ, if my unemployment was a baby it would be walking!), I have a different way to clean this out. First - I open the tray into the garbage and shake it around, pretending there is some semblance of sanity left in my life. Then I place the toaster on the oven, without properly attaching the latch, so crumbs fall into burners making a giant mess and threatening to burn down my house. Good. Now I can take the oven apart and clean it piece by piece. While cleaning the oven you should set the toaster onto the counter. When left on the counter, unlatched, of course, it will release more crumbs. After you have taken care of the oven make sure to give the toaster a little shake. Clean these crumbs. Shake again over the sink full of dirty oven water. Now you will have a reason to clean the sink that you have already cleaned at least twice today. Put the toaster where it belongs. No - too quick - first try to rearrange your cereal boxes, if you put the cornflakes beside the microwave and tuck your toaster into between your bran and all bran does it look cuter?

Eventually you will decide it is best in it's original spot. Carefully clean the counter of any extra crumbs. If done properly this job can take well over an hour. Congratulations!

Where was this long and rambling story going? O right.... so after spending much of my afternoon doing precious little more than cleaning a toaster I thought, "I can't be alone in this." We are a generation of unemployed, overqualified people waiting for the Boomers to retire, which was going to be a long wait anyways without the collapse of everything financial slowing it down. While I realize this is a world wide crisis, I think we could all use somewhere safe to laugh about it, share experiences and occasionally play "9 to 5" as loudly as possible to try and muffle the sound of our collective sobbing. This is that place!

So please, I know you have time, check my blog every day to see what I'm up to. I will try to give you lots of tips and ways to fill in your time. Not crap like - try volunteering, go back to school to boost your resume, it's an aggressive market. Really helpful stuff - we can debate the best way to get the buttons on your microwave clean, or how many times you can reword your cover letter before you have a complete mental breakdown, or impending homelessness. It's not like you have anything better to do. Join me on this journey


  1. Haha I love your blog Karen! Even though I am employed I definitely have the 'unemployed feeling' days coming soon while I wait by the phone to get a call from the school board. Perhaps during those days I will follow your hourly suggestions =)


  2. I know the blog is a light-hearted look at unemployment, but a couple of the things you wrote are so true.Employed people view unemployed people as if they're on vacation, not realizing it's a full time job with no pay to constantly look for a job. Also? it's tough to stay motivated in life in general when you aren't working.